With crankworx kicking off this week, theres more pros knocking about than ever (I had to push my way past Duncan Riffle, Tristan Merrick and some guy with ludicrous eyebrows just to get to the bar last night). So I thought we take a look at what it really means to be a pro by comparing it to that other noble profession of a bin man.
1. Career prospects
Pro: Washed up and working in Mcdonalds by 35 unless you’re really really good or doing PR for a sunglasses company.
Binman: Well theres always shit to collect right? Its civil service too, so its early retirement and a big fat pension for you.
2. Free Stuff
Pro: A free bicycle and all the free sunglass you can fit on your face, maybe a set of pyjamas too.
Binman; Your paid to take away free shit! sweet. My next door neighbour threw away a goldplated kettle last week, our binman is fucking set. Christmas presents too.
Pro: You ride a bicycle for living, this impresses no-one. What that says to a girl is “I’ve got no money and our kids will be fat and wear shoes with holes in them”
Binman: Ok so you’re gonna smell and have a beard with bits of rubbish stuck in it(but then so does Nathan Rennies).
4. The Car.
Pro: You don’t have one, you ride a fucking bicycle.
Binman: This guys rolling on 24s, its got hydraulics too, might even have a fish tank in the back.
The one thing that really sets being a pro mountain biker apart from the rest is the endless adoration from teenage boys, which is great.
If you’re a peadophile.
So to any pros reading this, put down the bike, get your florescent jacket on and start shoveling, you’ll be doing yourself a favour and i’ll have to battle one less “look at me bitch!” pro to get to the bar tonight.
We are still waiting for the collectives little mummies boy to roll into town and show the world that canadians can in fact ride bikes. There is some speculation that his mum holds his hand on the chairlift too. Rather than monster energy fueling his race run, its those little cartons of Ribena that mum brings to the top. 10.5g of sugar per serving! Take that Sam Hill!